i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
