I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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