Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
