Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
