Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
