will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
