when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
