He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
