Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize