I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
