You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
