He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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