You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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