get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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