Your face is a jimmy john
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
