I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
