I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
