Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize