You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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