I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
