so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
