I wish my penis had an off switch
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
