Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
