he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
