nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
is that a dick in a sweater?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
