you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
