3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
