Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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