Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
