I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
