Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
