I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
