love makes seman taste better
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
