Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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