he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
