My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
