we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
