I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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