you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
