Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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