I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
