So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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