i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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