its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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