"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
