Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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