my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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