3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
