Im at strip club and am horny
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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