oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ok first of all what the fuck
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
