Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
