Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
