If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
