I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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