is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
