Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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