with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
