im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
