I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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