3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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