so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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