physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize