I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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