why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
3pm strippers are depressing
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
