Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
