Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
