I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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