i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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