i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
