guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
